Friday, February 12, 2010

More Yarnz

I decided to visit my sweet homeland, Nigeria after four long years of grilling absence. Ok, nobody told me to stay away for that long but nobody told me I was gonna work like a horse in the United States and take on the most dangerous jobs of all. SIGH. Neways I headed for the home country. It was kind of surreal for me initially, hmmm I boarded that Airfrance aircraft thinking seriously about french wine....I could be an alcoholic And yeah, did i get drunk on that plane , thanks to my neighbor, the elderly french man who insisted we try each and every flavor of wine on board. I got to Paris all fucked up!! My eyes kinda came wide open when I boarded the aircraft headed for Naija in Paris and there we Nigerians...people were actually yelling at each other, fighting for overhead place, and I was like, hmmnn Nigerians will never disappoint me. UP NIGERIA!!
As if that wasnt enough, I had slept off before the first meal was served, my ass was tired,then I was being rudely shaken awake by a man across the aisle, yelling into my ears '' u no go chop???'' If I had a bow and arrow, you all know what would have happened to the punk ass. I gave him and the poor flight attendant an evil look before going back to slumber land.I was drunk, I was fucked and I wanted to be left alone!!

It was fun seeing old friends again, so much much fine. Old wine, they say is better........
It was good seeing David Sherman again, though he threw my feelings back in my face and I decided we had better part as friends though I dont know if I will ever forgive him. He is such a punkass. Poet, my ass!!

Every disappointment they say is a blessing in disguise...if you know what I mean. i wish I wanted to be free, that would be a great excuse but every day I watch my nephew grow and its really begining to dawn on my big head that I am always gonna be Aunty Yayi, not his mummy....well, I guess I need to start breeding. Sounds cold I know, but what else would you call an eight pound human being tearing you apart to come to the world? what would you call having a living thing inside of you for nine long freaking months?? Or what would you call the living thing's daddy rutting and grunting on top of you five freaking minutes every other freaking day?? Its fucking breeding.....nothing else!! I freaking want a baby but I am not looking forward to the pregnancy thingy!!!Well....the rutting and the grunting I could deal with!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


Its been forever, I know. Sometimes I try to write something but I always come up against a brick wall. It wasnt a writer's block or anything like that, it was just pure laziness and lack of motivation on my side. How am I ever gonna be motivated....I dont know.

I missed one of my best friends' wedding. I am still hurting from that. Na the job wey I take myself do! Ok, why do some females, 25 yr old women wait on their mothers to pack their bags. We were supposed to move our stuffs out of an apartment we had been living in for a year and my dear flatmate informed me that she was waiting on her mum to help her to pack......I just lost it! The girl has a 3 yr old daughter but she would wait on her mum to help her pack and clean up! I am sure next time she sees me, she would run in the opposite direction.

Alright, who said men from Trinidad are not gorgeous?? I met one and I swooned, actually swonned into a shopping cart at Kroger! I went home with a big bump on my head! When will I stop swooning?? I nursed a crush on Bimbola for five years and swooned at his feet anytime he much as smiled at me.....the poor boy had no idea why I had accidents anytime he walked past!

My four year old nephew is a big tease! I run after him every morning, trying to get him ready for school. If I call out to him and say '' Come on, lets go take a bath'', he would run in the opposite direction, yelling ''Yes Baby'', sometimes he yells '' Yes, Booty''.
I just came back after a year away from home and I stripped that first day, exhausted from my flight and longing for a hot shower. My nephew stared open mouthed for a minute, then yelled '' Oh No, Aunty Yayi Big Bombom''. I was so embarrassed. I am sure people out there in the living room heard the cheeky boy. I dont know where he got all those words from!!Well, typical male....all booty and boobies talk!

This vacation is good for my spirit. There has been a lot of events since I got home.....birthdays, naming ceremonies, graduations etc. And God bless those people because they serve puff-puff everytime. Thats my favorite finger food. I hope I wont become obese before I go back to work. My initial plan was to loose some pounds but that plan stayed at the airport when I got home.

God will help me!

Thursday, July 23, 2009


I feel weird today well I always feel weird. Oh my God...I still cant believe my eyes. I had come out of Walmart today and who did I see walking in the parking lot? My mouth dropped open and my throat closed in suprise, no sound came out! I watched as the person got into a truck, and drove off. I was still frozen to the spot, jaw on the ground when the vehicle stopped by the crosswalk in front of the doors. I couldnt move. The driver behind the wheel got impatient and moved forward, then slammed the brakes when our eyes met. It was my former boss. I watched him as recognition dawned and his face took on that penetrating look that used to leave me burning in flames.I felt myself burning up immediately and I cursed silently wishing my mouth to close but alas my jaw was still on the ground. I watched him as he slowly drove away.

I cajoled my inner strenght to get me out of there.My jaw decided to jump back up to my face. I walked towards Sandra my Honda Accord. I just couldnt believe what I just saw. My former boss...yes he was the one. What was he doing around here? I never thought I would ever see him again. He had resigned abruptly from the company with no explanations. Rumours had it that he had gone deep into the Cheerokee Mountains in Dakota, he was half-indian.He never contacted anybody afterwards. It had been two years that he had left, leaving me to wallow in misery.

I reached Sandra on shaky legs and managed to open the door. I shook my head trying to clear the imaginary cobwebs. Did I really see John or was I having a bad dream? He had left with no forwarding address, disappeared into thin air.I drove home, trying not to think about him. He was gone and he would remain like that in my heart.

I cursed as my neighbor;s dog dashed in front of me.....what the heck was wrong with that dog?? I am not gonna go to jail for that slutty dog. The moment I stepped down from the car, it was all over me. A beautiful German Sheperd that would betray its owner for a five minute petting session. I loved the dog to bits. After some vigorous belly rubbing,it bounded away into the yard. I wrestled the shopping bags out and staggered towards my door.I dropped the bags and started fishing for the keys. Now what did I do with them?? Found them and started opening the door.

I heard a faint sound behind me but before I could turn around, a heavy hand grabbed my shoulder and propelled me into the house. I tore myself off, and took off running into the kitchen, hoping to grab some kind of weapon. I made like three steps before I was wrestled down to the floor. I opened my mouth to scream and a hand was clamped over my mouth. I trembled so hard. I have never been attacked before.My mind spun!!

''Hey babe'', came that voice. My trembling ceased. It was him! How in the world did he find me? he must have followed me home. He turned me around and our eyes clashed. I could feel him looking deep into my soul. His penetrating dark eyes seared my very core. He removed his hand and his hot mouth replaced it. I breathed him in. Oh my God, I have missed him so much. His hot mouth ravaged mine as he delved in, taking all the honey he could find. I kissed him back for all I was worth. His hands roamed over me, stopping to cup my heavy breasts. I trembled and gushed.His huge hands tore at my shirt, sending buttons flying. I watched in a daze as he unclipped the front clasp and my dark huge nipples were exposed to his hot gaze.

His mouth descended and closed on one nipple, my back came off the floor as he suckled me deeply. I let out a small scream and tore at his T shirt. I heaved a sigh of satisfaction when my nipples came into contact with his hairy chest.I wanted this man and I was gonna have him. The rest of our clothes came flying off and then, he positioned me on my knees. I knew what was coming, but nothing could have prepared me for the huge steely hotness that invaded my very core. I screamed as I gushed hotly, he grabbed my heavy boobs and pounded hard into me, urging me to ride with him. I rode with him till I got to the cliff of ectasy again, jumping off it and trembling as he lunged high inside of me, coming in waves of hot climax.

Our trembling stopped as we came down to earth, I turned around, still on my knees and gave him a hard slap to his face!!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Sometimes I feel like life has come to an end....sometimes I feel like it is just beginning. I hate it when soldiers die but yet I remind myself it is a cross we all have to bear. Soldiers' deaths might be premature but what is the joy in suffering from a terminal disease?

Right now Adegoke I am staring at your picture....My mind travels back to when you joined us at third grade. I remember how neat your uniform was, you were the tallest boy in class and I thought you were the most arrongant pupil that ever crossed staff school. Each time my mom would pick us up from school and we would go check the house she was building at Ijokodo, you would be strutting down that particular street..all 9-year-old arrogance and I would stick out my tongue and made googoo faces at you from the safety of car. You were a complete gentleman so the girls said but I wasnt gonna put up with your arrogance.

One day, as I dragged my feet across Post Graduate Hall, somebody stopped me by pulling on my arm. I stopped short, looked up and my throat closed up. There you were....all grown up!!! A man....not "that boy from my class!!" I recognised you immediately...then you called my full name and there and then started a friendship that nothing could destroy.

You became my brother Goke, though I was a bit older than you, you were the big brother I ever needed. I cant count the number of times I would cry on your shoulder, lamenting about my broken heart. I cant count the number of times I would curl up in your bed, shivering from malaria. what about all the times I would grab all I could grab from your refrigerator when I became broke. What about all the heart to heart talks?? What about the way we laughed at my ex-fiance?? What about your promise to fight till the end??

You fought...yes you did. I couldnt bear to see you like that yet I didnt wanna let you go. Ours was a bond that couldnt be broken!!! What about our plans to get Sunny Ade to play on your wedding day?? What about our plans for the Committee of Friends?? What about our plans to paint Naija red and blue?? what about our plans to see each other kids and tell them stories of Staff School and Great Ife??

Death you are a liar.....guess what?? Adegoke will forever remain in my heart..our bond will never be broken. Rest in peace my love. A day is coming when we shall meet to part no more.

Saturday, March 21, 2009


Hmmn its been a year..I know. Not my the job wey I take myself go do o. I have missed you guys. It was not easy without MEMORIES. My fingers itched so often but there was no way I could grab my Toshi gal and blog. My lovely Sandra had been dried out by the Florida sun, I was heart broken when I saw her. Her battery was dead!!

Life , they say is short. Yes, indeed! She was the apple of Joseph's eyes but death snatched her when they had just become newlyweds again. I miss you everyday Mummy. So much had happened in the past one year, I cant begin to narrate all my stories. Its been a year of many changes...a lot of growing up was done too.

How come marriages are failing nowadays? A lot of young couples are getting divorced. It is really sad. I dont know what the problem is but I do have a strong suspicion that it has to do with the zero level of tolerance that this generation has.

Hmmm, people and stereotypes......oyinbo girls are better than african american girls, african americans are better than Naija girls,...Naija girls are better than Naija men,...Ghanian men are better as husbands than Ibo men..... Hausa men are better husbands than Itshekiri men......Yoruba men are lazy......Ibo men have money than Hausa men.....abeg o. I am just fed up.

Now, I know it is really one's happiness that matters...not a Yoruba man or Ijaw girl. A good man/woman is good. I met an African American man some months back, and believe me I have never been this happy.

I am a bit rusty, I have so much I wanna talk about but I cant gather my thoughts right now. Its good to be back. Thanks for the comments always.

Friday, February 15, 2008

House of Commotion

Pheeewww......Its been a while, I know. Relocating is not an easy task, especially when you have to move kitchen wares. Last year I had gone to Linen and Things off Highway 6 to simply stroll away the time. It was one of those frigging boring days. I had gone back to the house with a trunk filled with Cuisinart Pots, Faberware Shogun-Like Knives,Microwave, Blender, Toaster.....Hamilton Beach seems to be in vogue. Cartons of dinner plates and silverware. So much for a stroll and so much for my bank account. I nearly collasped when I saw the bill but trust Yayi, I am simply obssesed with buying kitchen wares. I need to be given an
I had finished sorting out my clothes,shoes.....well those went to Salvation Army, when I remembered that I got some stuffs in the attic...meeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnn!!! I wished with all my heart that those Iya Paro women exist in the United States. I would have sold all my shoes, most of my clothes and half of the kitchen wares. I remember when I was growing up, TemmyTayo, G-Funk and I used to sell my mother's coca cola bottles and old shoes to those Iya Paro women, they would wanna give us a new plastic bucket in return but we always preffered the buy cheese balls. We had to stop when my mum noticed that the box filled with shoes was gradually losing its contents.
I climbed to the attic, grabbed a box of casserole dishes and gingerly stepped down. My big toe caught on one of the steps......yelp......and I rolled down the rest of the way. You should listen to my landing style. All my pilots friends would be green with envy. My landing on the pantry floor with the box as a parachute was so smooth, I felt like I had been dropped from the claws of a giant eagle onto some pine trees.I must have lost consciousness because the next thing I knew I was slamming into the washer and dryer. Devil sleep....yanga go wake am.Why in the world didnt I wait for my brother to get back from his job or something????? Superwoman!!! Neways I survived the crash but I am left with a badly sprained finger, its all bent and funny. I was shedding tears like a bush baby when my brother tried to massage and straighten it before putting a bandage on it. absence.No finger to type.
I finally relocated to a beach town.A town filled with elderly people, sometimes I wonder if I had travelled back in time. They are everywhere, they wait tables, they are at the convenience stores, they check you out in Walmart and I am always like....these people aint supposed to be working meeeeen!!! They are supposed to be rocking their grandbabies on dem porches. Neways I am a housemate of four men. A big apartment, I have never seen one like it.I was given the Master bedroom....why because I am a
It took me just two days to blend in. I made up my mind I wanted to be treated like one of the boys. I did not want no special preferences but I got one before I even got to the house,....the master bedroom.In my short time here , I learnt the real meaning of family. These men are not related infact they are from different Nigerian tribes but you wouldnt know until somebody told you.One great thing about them is that nobody claims anything especially in the kitchen.....everything is for everybody. Damn, men are so easy to live with. They do their shit and you do yours. They mind their business, you mind yours. Well.....that is as long as you are not romantically involved with a man.
Sometimes I am at the receiving end of a weekend long teasing session. Initially I used to try to clarify things, defend myself and try to be the peacemaker in the arguments but now? HELL NO. I am now even worse...D called me a tout today because I felt he should have punched somebody first before giving the warning. I am having a wonderful time being a mate in the house. I guess that is what happens to you when you realise that you might spend the next six years in Iraq or in the Amazon fighting jet bombers and dodging land mines. Living with four men is nothing compared to Basic Training in the Army.
I am gonna miss them when I leave town again. Though it is a house of commotion, I love each one of them to pieces. I like their girlfriends too at least the ones I I cant count how many T has,because he is always on the fone in low tones...dont know what the heck he is always talkng about.K is the master trouble shooter, intelligent,suave but you dont wanna be teased by him because you might wanna kill him. D is the quiet one but once he talks everybody rolls on the floor in gales of laughter. His ideas are different from everything and anything normal. A is my jogging partner....very nice and quick tempered.
They control the living room with the pads of the computer games and I control the kitchen with a big Somebody asked me today if I was a girlfriend of one of these men and I said....well I am actually a girlfriend to the four men!! Her jaw dropped. She likes one of them....but I gotta approve finger!! The pain again...I gotta go!!!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

David Sherman

I had never met anyone like him. He had the most amazing sense of humour that left me clutching my sides in laughter.Exactly what does it for me. Please just make me laugh!!

We met at a meeting for young American poets. Last year I had dabbled a bit in poetry and I am proud to say three of my poems got published. I noticed him right away, he was taller than most men and had a fascinating prescence about him. When he walked towards the podium, I noticed a sailor gait and I wondered if he had been in the Navy. He got on the podium and started reading out a section of the newly published poetry. His voice was deep, fluid with a dangerous edge to it. Goose pimples raced on my arms when he smiled. He was the most attractive man I ever saw. He was tall, heavily built and fair skinned with the most perfect pencil line thin mustache I ever saw. His skin was clear and his neck made a sharp constrast to his white shirt and navy pin striped jacket. He was immaculate, gold cuff links gleaming with what I suspected to be a Rolex. I wondered if he was a Latino, a Black man or a Mulatto.

His name was David Sherman. He was from Louisiana hence the very light complexion and curly hair. He was so handsome I felt like fainting at his feet.He had been a Naval Officer before an injury forced him into early retirement.I was right about the sailor gait.He was now fully occupied with the family business, a lucrative timber industry.We talked poetry for sometime then he asked me to have dinner with him.My mind raced, I had nothing with me that would do. Fortunately, the hotel had provisions for that kind of service. I was directed to a store just two blocks away. After two hours, I finally got what I wanted. It was a long red number with an halter bodice. It fitted perfectly like it was made for me. A black clutch and sandals completed the outfit with black costume earrings.

Las Vegas lights burned bright as we made our way out of the restaurant. I had been wined and dined in the most romantic way. I was told I looked beautiful hundred of times.I giggled like a teenager and gazed with large adoring eyes into David's, I was hooked and I wanted him like something fierce. It was a fever inside of me that could only be quenched by the taste of his lips, the feel of his arms and his strong thighs. We got back to the hotel and I was still giggling till he said goodnight at my door. What the....

Suddenly he turned back, grabbed me and slammed me into the wall, kissing me so deeply I nearly lost my senses.He went deeper and deeper and I sunk into his embrace feeling all the fire raging inside of me.We made it to the bed in record time. The red dress came off, next the red panties came off in bits with big hands tearing at them like that. David ran his big palms all over me, taking stronger and slower strokes on my thighs. Passion raged and the juices gushed, I was lost to the magic of his touch. He tore off his own clothes and settled his weight on me, anchoring me to the bed with one strong thigh.He caressed my boobs roughly and suckled them so hard I nearly came off the bed.I tore at my hair, the pleasure was too intense.He kissed his way down to my navel, then the apex of my thighs. I grabbed at his silky curls holding on to dear life when his hot mouth settled at the honey pot. I screamed as my juices gushed and flowed onto his hot tongue. I trembled hard,completely off the edge.

David lunged up and sat on the edge of the bed, taking me with him to straddle him. He wore protection then lowered me so gently onto his pole. He was big and so hard. His face was tight and I knew he was gonna go over the edge any minute. His muscles bulged and the veins on his neck stood out as I rode him. He grabbed my ass and stopped me. I shrieked in protest. He heaved a steadying breath then ever so slowly, he started rotating my hips round and round and round. He held onto my ass, spanking me every now and then as he rolled me round. I moaned and said things I can not repeat. He whispered feverishly to me as I held him tight inside me. Suddenly David stood up, lifted me high with my legs around his lean waist and fucked me so hard I couldnt breath. Then it slammed onto me and I screamed so hard as he lost control, lunging in so hard and high. I came in hot gushing waves as he came too, moaning so loud, calling my name...calling my name.....Yayi...Yayi.....Yayi

''Yayi'', I came sharply awake. DAMN....what the ....Shit!!
It was my sis calling me. I looked around, a little disoriented. I was in my room, on the bed and right there in my right hand was an almost empty can of coke. I felt a wetness and lo and behold, the coke had spilled from the can to the top of thighs.