Friday, February 15, 2008

House of Commotion

Pheeewww......Its been a while, I know. Relocating is not an easy task, especially when you have to move kitchen wares. Last year I had gone to Linen and Things off Highway 6 to simply stroll away the time. It was one of those frigging boring days. I had gone back to the house with a trunk filled with Cuisinart Pots, Faberware Shogun-Like Knives,Microwave, Blender, Toaster.....Hamilton Beach seems to be in vogue. Cartons of dinner plates and silverware. So much for a stroll and so much for my bank account. I nearly collasped when I saw the bill but trust Yayi, I am simply obssesed with buying kitchen wares. I need to be given an
I had finished sorting out my clothes,shoes.....well those went to Salvation Army, when I remembered that I got some stuffs in the attic...meeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnn!!! I wished with all my heart that those Iya Paro women exist in the United States. I would have sold all my shoes, most of my clothes and half of the kitchen wares. I remember when I was growing up, TemmyTayo, G-Funk and I used to sell my mother's coca cola bottles and old shoes to those Iya Paro women, they would wanna give us a new plastic bucket in return but we always preffered the buy cheese balls. We had to stop when my mum noticed that the box filled with shoes was gradually losing its contents.
I climbed to the attic, grabbed a box of casserole dishes and gingerly stepped down. My big toe caught on one of the steps......yelp......and I rolled down the rest of the way. You should listen to my landing style. All my pilots friends would be green with envy. My landing on the pantry floor with the box as a parachute was so smooth, I felt like I had been dropped from the claws of a giant eagle onto some pine trees.I must have lost consciousness because the next thing I knew I was slamming into the washer and dryer. Devil sleep....yanga go wake am.Why in the world didnt I wait for my brother to get back from his job or something????? Superwoman!!! Neways I survived the crash but I am left with a badly sprained finger, its all bent and funny. I was shedding tears like a bush baby when my brother tried to massage and straighten it before putting a bandage on it. absence.No finger to type.
I finally relocated to a beach town.A town filled with elderly people, sometimes I wonder if I had travelled back in time. They are everywhere, they wait tables, they are at the convenience stores, they check you out in Walmart and I am always like....these people aint supposed to be working meeeeen!!! They are supposed to be rocking their grandbabies on dem porches. Neways I am a housemate of four men. A big apartment, I have never seen one like it.I was given the Master bedroom....why because I am a
It took me just two days to blend in. I made up my mind I wanted to be treated like one of the boys. I did not want no special preferences but I got one before I even got to the house,....the master bedroom.In my short time here , I learnt the real meaning of family. These men are not related infact they are from different Nigerian tribes but you wouldnt know until somebody told you.One great thing about them is that nobody claims anything especially in the kitchen.....everything is for everybody. Damn, men are so easy to live with. They do their shit and you do yours. They mind their business, you mind yours. Well.....that is as long as you are not romantically involved with a man.
Sometimes I am at the receiving end of a weekend long teasing session. Initially I used to try to clarify things, defend myself and try to be the peacemaker in the arguments but now? HELL NO. I am now even worse...D called me a tout today because I felt he should have punched somebody first before giving the warning. I am having a wonderful time being a mate in the house. I guess that is what happens to you when you realise that you might spend the next six years in Iraq or in the Amazon fighting jet bombers and dodging land mines. Living with four men is nothing compared to Basic Training in the Army.
I am gonna miss them when I leave town again. Though it is a house of commotion, I love each one of them to pieces. I like their girlfriends too at least the ones I I cant count how many T has,because he is always on the fone in low tones...dont know what the heck he is always talkng about.K is the master trouble shooter, intelligent,suave but you dont wanna be teased by him because you might wanna kill him. D is the quiet one but once he talks everybody rolls on the floor in gales of laughter. His ideas are different from everything and anything normal. A is my jogging partner....very nice and quick tempered.
They control the living room with the pads of the computer games and I control the kitchen with a big Somebody asked me today if I was a girlfriend of one of these men and I said....well I am actually a girlfriend to the four men!! Her jaw dropped. She likes one of them....but I gotta approve finger!! The pain again...I gotta go!!!

Saturday, January 26, 2008

David Sherman

I had never met anyone like him. He had the most amazing sense of humour that left me clutching my sides in laughter.Exactly what does it for me. Please just make me laugh!!

We met at a meeting for young American poets. Last year I had dabbled a bit in poetry and I am proud to say three of my poems got published. I noticed him right away, he was taller than most men and had a fascinating prescence about him. When he walked towards the podium, I noticed a sailor gait and I wondered if he had been in the Navy. He got on the podium and started reading out a section of the newly published poetry. His voice was deep, fluid with a dangerous edge to it. Goose pimples raced on my arms when he smiled. He was the most attractive man I ever saw. He was tall, heavily built and fair skinned with the most perfect pencil line thin mustache I ever saw. His skin was clear and his neck made a sharp constrast to his white shirt and navy pin striped jacket. He was immaculate, gold cuff links gleaming with what I suspected to be a Rolex. I wondered if he was a Latino, a Black man or a Mulatto.

His name was David Sherman. He was from Louisiana hence the very light complexion and curly hair. He was so handsome I felt like fainting at his feet.He had been a Naval Officer before an injury forced him into early retirement.I was right about the sailor gait.He was now fully occupied with the family business, a lucrative timber industry.We talked poetry for sometime then he asked me to have dinner with him.My mind raced, I had nothing with me that would do. Fortunately, the hotel had provisions for that kind of service. I was directed to a store just two blocks away. After two hours, I finally got what I wanted. It was a long red number with an halter bodice. It fitted perfectly like it was made for me. A black clutch and sandals completed the outfit with black costume earrings.

Las Vegas lights burned bright as we made our way out of the restaurant. I had been wined and dined in the most romantic way. I was told I looked beautiful hundred of times.I giggled like a teenager and gazed with large adoring eyes into David's, I was hooked and I wanted him like something fierce. It was a fever inside of me that could only be quenched by the taste of his lips, the feel of his arms and his strong thighs. We got back to the hotel and I was still giggling till he said goodnight at my door. What the....

Suddenly he turned back, grabbed me and slammed me into the wall, kissing me so deeply I nearly lost my senses.He went deeper and deeper and I sunk into his embrace feeling all the fire raging inside of me.We made it to the bed in record time. The red dress came off, next the red panties came off in bits with big hands tearing at them like that. David ran his big palms all over me, taking stronger and slower strokes on my thighs. Passion raged and the juices gushed, I was lost to the magic of his touch. He tore off his own clothes and settled his weight on me, anchoring me to the bed with one strong thigh.He caressed my boobs roughly and suckled them so hard I nearly came off the bed.I tore at my hair, the pleasure was too intense.He kissed his way down to my navel, then the apex of my thighs. I grabbed at his silky curls holding on to dear life when his hot mouth settled at the honey pot. I screamed as my juices gushed and flowed onto his hot tongue. I trembled hard,completely off the edge.

David lunged up and sat on the edge of the bed, taking me with him to straddle him. He wore protection then lowered me so gently onto his pole. He was big and so hard. His face was tight and I knew he was gonna go over the edge any minute. His muscles bulged and the veins on his neck stood out as I rode him. He grabbed my ass and stopped me. I shrieked in protest. He heaved a steadying breath then ever so slowly, he started rotating my hips round and round and round. He held onto my ass, spanking me every now and then as he rolled me round. I moaned and said things I can not repeat. He whispered feverishly to me as I held him tight inside me. Suddenly David stood up, lifted me high with my legs around his lean waist and fucked me so hard I couldnt breath. Then it slammed onto me and I screamed so hard as he lost control, lunging in so hard and high. I came in hot gushing waves as he came too, moaning so loud, calling my name...calling my name.....Yayi...Yayi.....Yayi

''Yayi'', I came sharply awake. DAMN....what the ....Shit!!
It was my sis calling me. I looked around, a little disoriented. I was in my room, on the bed and right there in my right hand was an almost empty can of coke. I felt a wetness and lo and behold, the coke had spilled from the can to the top of thighs.


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Is Dude not Cursed?

This is not a week to get mad at guys but sometimes I can not just help it. I got a call from one of my girlfriends last night. She called around midnight. I knew there was something wrong immediately I saw that she was the one calling. We gisted about normal stuffs for a while before she let the beans spill. She had been hood winked. Sometimes I believe it is better to be financially defrauded than to be emotionally robbed.

She knew the guy from college, they were in the same department. Though they were not friends, they said hello now and then. She and the guy hooked up sometime ago and became friendly. She told me how happy he had been when he met her again at a friend's party. Before long the guy started asking for a date, he was so persistent and looked like a fool in love that she agreed and started dating him. Few months into the relationship she realised he had been messing around with another girl, an akata. They had a quarrel and she forgave him because he promised to stop seeing the girl.

Later he started talking about living together, though she was wary of that she agreed and moved in with him.Then he started acting all crazy, staying out late, lying about everything, stealing her money,trying to use her credit cards behind her back. Neways she found out he was planning on dumping her because the akata girl he had been messing with had been threatening him with a gun whenever he couldnt give her some money to buy crack. They had another quarrel, he started throwing her stuffs out of the house and she called the cops on him.

My question was" Is his ass rotting in jail?" She said 'No,'
''why not?
'' cos of old times''

Fuck old times!! One of the guy's friends called her and told her stuffs she never believed anybody could say about another human being. She found out he had been lying about his background, saying his father has a mansion, he is being owed 800million naira by the Naija govt, when the poor man has a small shop where he sews clothes for people at Ebute Metta, all kind of craps you will never believe a 33 year old man would say. I didnt know people like that still existed.

Neways when I heard that another friend of mine got dumped by her husband of 4 years. Why? He went to England, met another lady, called my friend and told her it was over. She could send the two kids over to see him when they are older. Can you beat that? She had empited her bank account and gave him all her money before he left for England on the pretext that he got wind of some profitable business.

Why would anybody do that to another human being when this life is just too short and this world is just too small? Why do men do that? Always not satisfied with what they have?

Like that one that left his family, I am sure he is gonna come back one day maybe when the kids are getting married and wear agbada, behaving as if he was the one that trained them.

That one that was living a double life, owing people money, borrowing and stealing from other people, what kind of children does he wanna raise? My friend really rained curses on him because she actually liked him genuiely not caring whether he was from a poor family or not. What she couldnt take was the lies then the disrespect. I dont blame her though, his ass should be in jail by now. Can you imagine, she was the one feeding him, buying everything in the house be it clothes, food, talk of it.And he had nothing to pay her back with than to be fucking a crack head in a park. Na wah o.

When my friend got off the phone, I started wondering if the dude was not cursed because my friend was an opportunity for him to restructure his life. She is just too nice and generous a girl.I pray she finds the strenght to get on with her life and the heart to forgive him.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

What Men Want

This has been a horrible week. For starters I drove all the way from Texas to Georgia. Mapquest kindly informed me that the trip was gonna be 12 hours and 56 minutes. I left Houston at 5am, it was still dark and raining and all those trucks were going over the speed limit as if they had no breaks. I tried as much as possible to enjoy the first strecht of my trip with Sandra, my Honda Accord and my Alpine stereo blaring some much love country music. After two hours of straining my eyes to see through the windshield, I stopped at Beaumont, slept for half an hour then got down to get me some coffee at the Waffle House. My spirits were uplifted when the owner, an elderly black man greeted me so nicely and gave me a bear hug. Yes!!! Now I felt I was onto some adventure.

I was still in an adventurous mood when I left the state of Texas behind, then passed through the great swamps of Louisiana. There, it took a conscious effort to keep my mouth closed. I couldnt help but marvel at what God had created. The swamps were vast, miles and miles wide. I nearly stopped on one of the bridges, just to praise God, you know. The roads were not so good but I had an eyeful of swamps, Indian rivers, amazing bridges and lakes. Missisippi was a hundred mile and I did that in no time, crossing into Alabama. This was where I started getting tired and all adventurous spirits flew out of the window. I wasnt sleepy just tired of talking to myself. To make matters worse, it got really dark at exactly 5pm and I couldnt really see and so I had to be driving at 50m/hr.It was ridiculous. I was about 70 miles away from the state of Georgia when I saw this big placard with ''LIONS" on it. I wanted to pee so bad but that strecht of the road was the wildest wilderness I had ever seen in my life. I nearly stopped to pee though but that big placard changed my mind. No use getting chased by a lion with my pants around my ankles. What would be the use of running from a lion anyway?

I got to Atlanta at 10pm, then couldnt get down from the car. My right ankle was messed up and there was this raging pain in my lower back, you know like how expectant mothers in labour scream about that part of the body? Ok hot shower, Tylenol, and vapor rub did the trick.I slept off dreaming about lions and swamps. When I woke up the next day, my nose wouldnt stop running and I knew there was something wrong. Neways I came down with the most furious 'flu I ever encountered. Each breath was painful to the grind. I hated to be helpless like that but I couldnt do a damn thing to help myself.I had no relief until I took ALABUKUN two days after the whole thing started. Now, the fever is gone but I am left with an irritating cough. I thank God that I am even blogging tonight because the way I felt two days ago eeehhn, I thought I was gonna recover next month.

Being ill and confined to bed really made me think about some stuffs.

Whoever said that women are difficult to please?????? Excuse me and pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! I really had time to go over my youthful sojourn.

When I was 11 years old, all the boys in our neighborhood liked me and wanted me as a girlfriend because I could play soccer and was not afraid of getting dirty.
When I was 12, most of the boys did not like me because I could score more goals and outrun them in 100 meters race; I was the Red House Champion.
They suddenly liked me again when I sprouted boobs almost as big as my head and hated me immediately Pa stopped me from playing with them and I started wearing a bra.
The boys in high school liked me because I could dance and rap like them,knew all the lyrics of the songs by Naughty By Nature but they hated me because I wouldnt give out. Not even a kiss, Hell No!!
In college, the guys were crazy in lust and I didnt understand or see WHY!! Some said it was the daring attitude, some said it was my bouncy gait, some said it was the tomboyish thing..........yuck!! Well I have never seen myself as a male. I just do things my own way.
Halfway through college....some guys claimed it was my ability to take charge and take care of stuffs that drove them wild. One guy admitted to having a hard-on the day he saw me checking out the engine of a car. Some said it was the way I could jump start any car on campus or help a friend change a flat tyre. Now hold up....I did not study mechanical engineering in school, It was just the way Pa brought us up. Why would I pussy-foot around if I could do it myself??

Ok......I guess that was sexy to them right?? YUCK.

Now where do I get the feeling that men are actually scared of sharp girls?

You change are a tomboy!
You wear decent are not sexy!
You are wild in are a prostitute!
You dont think about are not focused!
You dont want must be getting it somewhere else!
You want sex after are old fashioned!
You dress like are trashy!
You wear look like an Idian War Chief!
You wear french manicure...........that is why you can not cook!
You cook.........................and that is why he is getting fat!
You dare to be are gonna be on your knees begging till daybreak!
You show some sexy have started watching dirty movies without him!
You braid your disturbs the sex!
You wear a low cut............."i love my woman with some hair"!
You are must be thinking of an ex!
You are talk too much!
You make have now become a man!
You are look like his grandmother!
You are have a secret!
You are are planning to run away with another man!

I can not go on o!

They do not have an idea of what they want!