Saturday, September 29, 2007

Rooster King

After the nomadic experience, my mum decided to start a poultry farm. We all hated the idea but Pa was convinced that we could get to eat chicken we raised by ourselves instead of 'golobas' (cocks) that were raised only God-knows-where. Mum wasnt gonna get a farm hand, she had five children. What would she do with a farm hand? Sigh!!! She worked us to death. We had to go to the saw mill to get saw dust every saturday, this gave me a nasty allergic reaction and I never recovered. Pa was sure we were getting a lifetime trainnig to become sharp and smart kids. With the training in a chicken farm????? Sigh!!!My parents never believed that there was something their children couldnt handle. Pa taught us to change flat tires and, clean,and load up to shoot his double barrel. I could shoot with a good aim on a target by the time I was ten years old, likewise my sisters. I had the majestic duty of cleaning Pa's double barrel very saturday after each trip to the saw mill.

I was in junior high when my mum decided to get rid of the poultry farm. She had been doing it as a hobby, giving out chickens every month to our neighbors but I guess she got bored and started looking for another hobby to occupy her mind. I was so sick and tired of eating chickens. We ate nothing but chicken because mum wasnt selling them, she was growing the smelly birds and giving dozens out at the end of the month. We were so relieved we danced around for joy. Bye bye to saw dust, bye to allergies, bye to smelly chickens, bye to colic, and farewell to the saw mill.I vowed never to eat chicken in my life, ever!!!

After junior high exams, I was on a summer vacation of three months. I was elated but gradually got bored. I hooked up with my friends and we went everywhere we could. We were so bored we started sleeping in. One day, a young man came to the homestead and gave Pa a big bottle of Bacchoos Tonic Wine. The bottle sat there on the kitchen work table , unopened and beckoned at me for a week non-stop. I eyed it with disdain and resisted with all my will.I wasnt gonna start drinking liquor at age thirteen, I was a good girl, I assured myself. The following week I lost the battle and embraced the big bottle of wine. I thought of sharing it with Temmy and G-funk but I was home alone and had been ordered to be the ''aboki'' (security guard) for that day. I couldnt leave the house. I twisted the cap and inhaled deeply. The fumes went straight to my brain and my eyes and mouth watered. I promised myself that I was just gonna take a capful and leave the poor bottle alone.

The next thing I knew my sister was shaking me awake, I had been asleep for five hours. I squinted at her, she knew something was wrong. She raised the alarm that got me into trouble. Mum grabbed hold of me of me and shook me real hard. I was so drunk I couldnt make out her features. She thought I was ill until she perceived my breath. Two gigantic slaps landed and I nearly fainted. My sister rescued me and made me go under a very cold shower, then I was sick like a dog. Everything came up and out.I was okay if a bit shaky after an hour. I had to go and fish out the empty wine bottle from the trash. Mom had to see it. She couldnt believe her eyes. Well, she made me some nice pounded yam with vegetable soup, to settle my tummy, so she said. She never told Pa.

Two days after the wine palaver, I went to G-funk's house. We whined about the boredom and wished we could resume yesterday. Somebody knocked on the front door, it was Temmy. The three of us sat on the porch and gisted for several minutes until Mama Tinu's goloba strutted past.The bloody thing wasnt a peacock but it sure strutted like one with the full feathers and bushy tail. It had a beak as long as a whistle. G-funk had complained about the cock crowing right under her bedroom window. That was one annoying cock. We watched as it stepped like the Rooster King. We knew what to do.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Please Come My Way

Sometimes I feel like stepping out of myself and just beat myself silly. Get myself into a ring with British Bulldog, Sergeant Slaughter and Hulk Hogan and let them do whatever they want with me. Better still, let Undertaker give me a body slam. Its either I sleep for three years or just travel back in time to when I was six years old. That would be better because then I would take my steps along this path called life with extreme caution. I would guard my heart with jealousy and protect myself with a steel armour.

Ade called and I gushed like a baby with a mouthfull of milk. Disgusting, right? I have been gushing like this ever since I met this gentleman. Speechless and flustered if he as much smiled at me. I thought I was just shy and it took me a whole year to realise that I was just exhibiting the symptons of that virus called love. I held on to my sanity, trying very hard not to become vulnerable but all my efforts were futile, he provided in abundance all the ingredients needed to make a good pot roast of a relationship.

We chatted for half an hour, steering clear of emotional topics. We dissected Naija, the joys and the pains. That was the safest conversation we ever had. What was at the tip of my tongue was the great question, ' do you have a girlfriend or are u in a relationship right now?' but I couldnt utter the hateful '' girlfriend'' word and I was afraid he was gonna say ''Yes''. Neways I didnt ask him and I went back to the normal torture, trying to figure things out. I didnt want him to think I was making myself available. Hmmmm......Pride!!!!!!

Ade and I do not practise the same faith. I went into the relationship fully aware of this. I confided in Pa and he told me that as long as a man believes in God, he is sure to reap HIS blessings. In a way, Pa had given his go-ahead and nobody was gonna stop me. What came as a shock was that though I was well liked by his family, the religion factor was a big deal to them. They let me know that I had no choice but to convert and practise their faith and they actualy started calling me a name they felt suited me. Trust Yayi, I told them upfront one day that I wasnt gonna convert, nobody could make me loose all the values my parents instilled in me and they should stop calling me ''that''. The problems started.

Ade was not aware of this and I did not want to be labelled a telltale so I kept it to myself until all hell broke loose. His brother introduced a girl to him and he became confused. He started avoiding me. I knew what was going on and I realised there wasnt anything I could do about it. The girl belonged to the same religious sector as Ade's family.She was pretty and charming, so I heard but she was a first class bitch. She did a good job of hiding that beautiful character until she was found out. By this time I was long gone, putting miles between my heart and Ade.

Really, I dont know what to do. We have never talked about it. I am not sure I want to be with him. He could have resisted her but I could understand that he was just a man. Fine, but do I want him back with all the religious issue and all that???? I dont think so. His brother could decide one day that Ade needed a second wife or a third one to take care of him in his dotage.

Really what I need is young blood, new lethal lyrics and a fresh body. I am tired of seeing the same old faces, I am tired of being chased by ex-boyfriends. They dont want to understand that an ex is an ex, maybe they still have hopes of finishing what they never started or tasting what they will never have, I really dont know.

New lethal lyrics, please come my way. I promise to stop dreaming about Ade. Young blood, I am all yours. I am done with older men, though they could be sweet.Hmmmm.......fresh body please come my way. Ade has a very nice six pack shape but I promise never to compare him to you. You are much needed now. Please come my way. I reject all pregnant men with all my spirit and I come against any insecured man with all my being. Men with low self esteem will never be attracted to me again as long as there is Eledumare. I am not gonna be careless with my pysch again. New lyrics, please come my way!!!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Take A Guess

Hmmm. No childhood memories for this girl today. I knew I was in a lot of trouble the moment I thought it was Ade snoring beside me not Mr Boyfriend. Not that Ade used to snore like a freight train, his was more like a deep deep breathing. A result of working so hard in his firm. I raised my head from the pillow and it was Ade's face I saw then I blinked twice and Mr Boyfriend came into focus. I just knew I couldnt go along with the wedding.
I broke up with Ade around August, last year though not willingly. It really hurt and it still does. Ours was a relationship that transcended beyond love, he was my confidant, my friend and most of all my big brother. I took him for granted a lot because I felt he couldnt get mad at me. Ade was the most confident man I ever came across. He was so intelligent, sometimes I feared it would get him into trouble. He was handsome and suave, very soft spoken and most of all conservative. He was a determined young man with a touch of the Midas' Luck. Everything he touched turned to gold including Yayi. I blossomed under his tender touch. He nurtured me and encouraged me, supporting me through tough times.
Ade was much older than me and I think this created a barrier we couldnt break. He found my stories amusing but he indulged me anyway by listening to me quietly, sometimes without making a sound. This was so frustrating to me. He was the kind of guy who did not believe in whispering sweet nothings into a woman's ears. He believed in saying the truth which he did a lot with me wanting to bite him. He was so blunt he annoyed the hell out of me sometimes. He had so many nice qualities and to top it he could cook like a dream but I got greedy and wanted more. I wanted him to behave like a guy in my age group and at the same time retain those nice qualities. I started getting frustrated and we had bitter arguments.
One day, I looked at him and told him to take a hike. We had been dating for four years. It really hurt but I had made up my mind. I met Mr Boyfriend six months after I broke up with Ade. I knew Mr Boyfriend from high school so I felt safe. I didnt have to fall in love and go crazy over him. I knew him way back, he liked me, he proposed and I said YES. I knew it was wrong but I wanted to forget Ade. My wrongest move. Believe me, I tried so hard to love him but it was so hard because his holier-than-thou attitude made it more difficult for me. He complained about everything Yayi, except my face (pretty face, i guess), he insulted my creativity and made me feel he was doing me a favour by marrying me. He actually compared me to his girlfriend, boobwise!! I knew I had to get out of it but how? I had no idea. I started praying to God to help me out.I needed a miracle exit.
God created a way and I gave him back the rings.I am free and the beautiful wedding dress is still hanging in my closet. I pushed it far into a corner where I dont have to see it each time I open my closet.Gradually, Mr Boyfriend faded into a distant memory. Guess who called today!!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

My Sweet Valentine

Hanging out with your friends could be fun especially on Valentine's Day when no one has offered to be your val. Actually, when no guy has offered to be your one and only Valentine. That is when you see nothing wrong in having a girls' Day Out. You seize every opportunity to berate the opposite sex, ridicule them and potray them like necessary devils. You get tipsy and laugh your heads off with stories of the male appendage, the functional and the dysfunctional, the tall and the short, the albino and the colour riot.
I met Amani when I was in college, my second year I think. He fell like a pack of cards the first time he laid his eyes on me. He was so crazy about me people felt I had given him some '' efo riro and snail to chop". If he had come to my hostel to eat he would have eaten indomie noddles and corn flakes for dessert, nothing else o. Amani asked me out and I said NO. Well, I didnt have a reason because I actually liked him a lot but I was scared because he seemed so out of place with me. He was a very popular guy in the entertainment industry, though a student. I just didnt want to be the girlfriend of a television star. I so much cherished my privacy.
Valentine's Day slowly approached with the normal excitement in the air. I was irritated to the core. Amani was on my back to give him a chance, he was not talking about being a Val, he wanted to be a boyfriend!! No way. My roommates drove me crazy with their gushing and high expectations from guys that were so broke they would rob a teddy bear store just to give the so-called girlfriends Valentine's gifts.
Two days to February 14, I packed my bags , left school and shashayed my way to the city. I hooked up with G-funk. She did not have a Valentine date too so we hit the town, with the firm decision to have fun and enjoy ourselves. We got a cab and paid the driver to take us around town, he charged us a ridiculous amount of money but we paid him at the end of the day. We felt he deserved it.
Valentine's Day dawned fine and clear. G-funk and I stayed indoors watching movies, swearing at all the old boyfriends in our recent past and having a good laugh over one foolhardy story after the other. By evening we were bored out of our skulls so we decided to go to the mall. It was really far, like two hours drive. We did not want to drive that far so we got a cab to drop us off. We went around the mall, window shopping and pretended at the designers' stores as if we really wanted to buy a Gucci purse. By the time we spent an hour and a half walking around, the mall was ready to close for the night. We went out into the streets and started looking out for a cab. It was really dark and no cabs were coming our way.
We walked down the long street, no cabs. We retraced our footsteps to the mall, at least the place was well lit.We waited and waited, no cabs. We watched in dismay as a car drove out of the mall and the gates swung shut. Apparently it was the last car to leave the mall, a Mercedez Benz. We watched quietly as it rolled to a stop and a guy stepped out. He strolled towards us with a big smile.
'Hi ladies' he boomed
'Hi' we said.
"where are you ladies going to? are u looking for a cab? you are not gonna get one at this time of the night!! where are you going?' he giggled as he talked. He looked really silly with the combination of his teeny weeny voice and his height, he was very tall and thin.
''Nowhere, thanks'' we answered. He persisted and G-funk snapped.
''Ok, we are going to Surulere.''
'' Yipee, I am going to Surulere too. Come on, let me give you girls a ride. You are not going to get a cab here.'' he said with a note of finalty. G-funk looked at me and I shrugged. It would do our big heads some good to get home before we are locked out. He led us to the Mercedez. There was a guy riding shotgun. He didnt even say hello, he just stared ahead. As soon as our tall Sir Gallagher hit the freeway, he tuned in on his bloody blackman radio and nearly blasted our eardrums to blazes. We complained but got no response instead he cranked the junk music louder and threw cans of beer out through the open roof and kept swerving to hit the cans. G-funk and I clutched at each other in pure fright. We were in deep shit.
The bofoon riding shotgun said nothing. He was so scary with the way he was slugging back liquor in a big bottle and peering back to look at us. Suddenly, Sir Gallagher swerved off the freeway leading to Surulere and joined the one leading to Apapa. G-funk and I started shouting that it was the wrong way but the idiot wouldnt listen, instead he cranked up his stereo. I was shaking with fear,ohmigod we were getting kidnapped.
I remembered that the best thing to do when dealing with a criminal is to stay calm. So I signaled to G-funk and we brought our heads together. We kept mute as Sir Gallagher raced towards Apapa and yelled about having a wild party. Wild party?????? Haa where is my daddy? We got to Apapa and suddenly there was this slow traffic flow. G-funk and I removed our shoes quietly and got ready. Immediately the Mercedez started cruising , I nodded at G-funk and we both yanked the door on each side open and jumped out running. We ran on the tarmac, screaming for all we were worth. The Mercedez made a sharp turn and went off with a squeal of tires. By the time the cops at the checkpoint ( the cause of the traffic build up) started running towards us, Sir Gallagher and the Bofoon were long gone. Thank God the locks on the doors were manual and also there was that police checkpoint that night. Hmmmm, wetin I for tell Pa? It was actually the cops who got us a cab to take us home.
I could feel the guys we had ridiculed during the Valentine season laughing at me as I travelled back to school. What in the world would have happened if those two gorillas had succeded in getting us into a wild party? Wild party,my ass. They were a couple of drug addicts/armed robbers.I wish with all my heart that the two of you stumble across this post one day because God will forever punish your big heads and let you crash that stupid Mercedez off the Third Mainland Bridge. Hiss.
I got back to school, went straight to Amani and said YES. He gave me a lovely hand woven jewelry basket among other things. He called me his sweet Valentine. Ok o. I apologised spiritually to the guys I made fun of especially the one with the colour riot extension. God please forgive Yayi.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Nomadic Fury

In 1985, we moved to the beautiful jungle I decribed in the Broda Sk Again post. We hated it at first but grew to love it like something fierce. It was our own private paradise. To our utter dismay, we woke up one morning to the mooing of cattle. Fine, we were used to the birds but cows? Oh no!! We rushed outside in our pjs and what did we see? A large herd of Fulani Whites with a sprinkling of Mutuurus being escorted by two nomads. My eyes widened, that was the first time I was seeing a real nomad. The two men were dressed in tunics and jumpers. What fascinated me most was their braids. They had long braids swinging under their wide hats. They were slim and weathered with years of herding cattle. Their long sticks completed the picture. It was a sight to behold. Pa had taught us some words in Hausa so I screamed,
" Ina kwa na" I screamed so hard, jumping up and down, that the two men heard me above the noise made by the sluggish cows. They turned sharply then smiled. There were several teeth missing.
" Ina kwa na" they shouted back in greeting and my day was made. I prounced like a peacock all through that day. Everybody got tired of listening to my story about the nomads. Well, I was the one that said "Ina kwa na" (good morning), nobody else did and the icing on the cake was their response. I told everybody who would listen until Pa gave me Decree No4..........'go and take a nap.' I tried to reason with Pa that I was six years old and too old for a nap.He gave me the option of Decree No 1......''house arrest''and i opted jejely for No4. No need to get arrested on such a trivial issue( sigh) Christmas was just three days away.
I heard Pa complaining to mum that he couldnt fathom how the nomads found their way to our neighborhood, they were sure to ruin our clean environment with all those cows' droppings. Mum laughed and said the droppings would serve as manure for her vegetable patch. See me see wahala o,and who would collect those cow droppings? Please take a guess!
Neways, I developed an obsession for the nomads. Everyday,I hung on the grape fruit tree by the fence watching in fascination as they communicated with their cows by clucking their tongues and slapping the big rumps. The two nomads became my special friends and sometimes I gave them some drinking water or filled up their water bottles.
Suddenly the nomads stopped passing through and I missed them but there was nobody I could ask and my six year old mind failed to come up with any tangible reason. I slowly forgot about them until three years later when we woke up again to the moos of the cows. I rushed outside, hoping to see my two friends but no, this nomad was a total stranger. He was a younger man with a permanent scowl. It was as if he ate cow dung for breakfast. He was mean looking and mean to the cows, always clucking angrily. I disliked him on sight. I wondered about my two friends but I couldnt bring myself to ask him, not sure I wouldnt get a whack on the head courtesy of the long stick.
This new nomad became a regular herder passing through our neighborhood. One day, I was on top of the grapefruit tree when I heard screams from down the road. Who was that? I climbed to the highest branch and watched in horror as my younger brother ran towards the house, calling for help. Behind him with a long wicked looking dagger drawn was the new nomad. I scrambled down the tree and ran to the gate, I was hoping to get the gate opened so that my brother could run into the yard but alas, he went past the gate like a bolt of lightining. I started screaming too,scared shitless then I quickly close the gate when the dagger came close to designing my big nose. Luckily, our neighbor's gate was wide opened so my brother ran into their yard and locked himself in.I didnt know this until later. I thought the mad man had killed my brother,my only brother and the male version of Yayi. I was crying and raining abuses on the nomad. Funny enough, nobody was home that day, just the two of us and my brother had gone to buy firecrackers, it was close to the New Year.
My brother came out of our neighbor's yard with blazing eyes, I was so happy to see him in one piece. He was still angry and spoiling for a fight. He was seven years old and spoiling for a fight with a crazy cattle herder.Ok o.
''what happened" I asked him. He said one of the cows blocked his path and yes, he called the attention of the nomad but he just ignored him as if he didnt understand then he slapped the cow and the man went berserk and drew a dagger. Ok, thank God we are both fine but dont tell Dad and Mum about this and he agreed. Hmmm, he told them and we both got Decree No arrest till the first day of school. I wanted to strangle my brother.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Weird Things

I have always been a sucker for myths and Pa grew up on the knees of his grandparents who did not spare him the ancient stories and mythologies. Pa used to tell us a lot of those stories when I was a little girl. We had this habit of sitting outside in the evenings and gulping down different stories with different fruits. Any fruit that was in season served as a story time snack. On my father's knees, I learnt about God the Ancient of Days, I learnt about the heavens and the earth. I even learnt about the world where spirits and ghosts reside. Those were scary stories but funny enough, I believed them.
Genny and I became friends at the beginning of our first semester in college. She was a very beautiful girl with long legs which I playfully referred to as tree trunks. We made a striking picture on the paved streets of the college as we went everywhere together, she was as tall and fair as I was tiny and dark. We shared everything except underwear and boyfriends. We had a pattern of walking which most people found annoying, Genny usually walked like two strides ahead of me. She had longer strides and after a semester of always running to catch up with her, I stopped which made her slow down a little but yet, she still walked ahead of me while we carried on a conversation. Many people thought we were weird, she was more outspoken while I was reserved but I used to jump in front of her to fight her battles.
I listened to a friend's mum one day during the school vacation. She was talking about the history of my college or the history of the vast land before the school was built. It was a sacred forest where all kinds of things you can imagine lived, where betrayed warriors would go in annoyance never to be seen again. I heard stories all the time about students seeing weird things like ghosts and spirits but I never believed one single tale until I heard my friend's mom who hailed from the town talking about it, then I began to wonder. After dwelling on it for two minutes, I dismissed the confusing thoughts. I knew students could make up stories after stories, well I was not gonna be part of the "seeing" group. When I got back to school, I gisted Genny and we both laughed it off. Sacred forest indeed.
Exams rolled in and we started studying late into the nights. We were in our second year and we were greatly fed up with school life. One of these late night studies left us stranded on a lonely strecht of the road leading to the staff quarters. Genny had her car but it ran out of gas. We had managed to steal a gallon from her mum's car two days before so I guess our luck just ran out. We were like two miles away from Genny's house so we got down, locked the car and left everything in there. We were so exhausted we just didnt wanna hold anything. We took off our shoes and started down the road. Like usual, Genny walked in front of me. She started singing and I joined in.
We were just yards away from the house when Genny suddenly stopped singing and came to a standstill. I nearly ran into her back but stopped myself on time.
''what the..............?'' then I saw it too.
I stared at the form in front of us. At first I thought my mind was playing tricks on me but right there was the tallest creature I had ever seen. It was almost as tall as an electric pole and almost as slim. It came towards us with long and sure steps. When I look back now, I just know that thing had been out on a nightly stroll. Goose pimples raised down my arms and the hair at my nape stood at attention. My head swelled up and my throat closed in fear. There was
a street lamp just a few feet in front of us and when the creature got under the light, it disappeared but we could still hear the footsteps.
I cant remember whose brain and legs connected first but suddenly we were flying into the bushes, running for dear life. Luckily, we came out into Genny's yard and banged loudly on the front door with screams that could wake the dead. Prof threw open the door and we got an earful. We couldnt explain what we saw. He warned us about walking in the dead of the night. Genny and I were trembling so hard we did not even feel Prof's wrath, we kept staring at each other like zombies. Prof went back to his bedroom, muttering about sturborn goat-headed children.
We walked slowly to the living room and looked at the grandfather clock as it chimed like a runaway train. It was 2 O' Clock in the morning.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Boda Sk Again

In December 1985, we moved to a new house. I cried myself silly because I was leaving my friends behind. Pa assured me that they would visit me. I had been to the new house several times with Pa but he never told me it was gonna be our new home. The house was like a homestead. I am referring to the way Texans call their homes sitting lonely on acres of wild wilderness. There was a big plantation of cocoa, sugarcane and oil palm. I was devastated because the only thing we used to wake up to was the singing of the birds. We went to bed with the loud croaks of the frogs that lined the flower beds. The neighborhood had its charm though. It was peaceful and quite beautiful. There were just three houses down the long street. One day we woke up to the chirping of bats in the living room. We screamed and screamed, scattering in every direction until Pa killed them all. I asked Pa in sly tones where the heck he brought us to and I got a baleful glare for an answer. He informed us we were the ones that came to disrupt the ecological habitat of the different animals so we should prepare for the worst. My mum shuddered in fear and cautioned us about snakes. I was cock sure we were gonna receive a monkey next as a guest. I whispered to my four year old brother that he was gonna wake up the next morning with a monkey in his bed. He howled and cried non-stop for several minutes.
Broda Sk was the hunter and the farmer rolled into one. He loved to get his hands dirty. He loved nature and agriculture. He actually graduated form college with a degree in Plant and Animal Science. He was very happy with the new environment and he introduced us to the joys of eating crabs, frogs and birds. He would set traps or use the catapult. Many squirrels had suffered the catapult fate. We became very happy in our new environment. My uncles decided to ship their kids over and it was a mad house. Christmas was fun, though very cold.
My mum became friendly with our nearest neighbour, Mrs B. She was a beautiful young woman in her thirties. She was married to a medical doctor who was a skirt chaser. She had three lovely kids. She used to come to our house a lot, complaining to my mum about her husband. She was the one that called my mum's attention to Aunty Kehinde's big belle. She encouraged mum to confront her housemaid. Of course, she denied being pregnant. She said she was filled with pounded yam. She had been ill for like three days before the confrontation. Mrs B yelled and screamed at her. My mum believed her that she wasnt pregnant and asked her to return to her duties. Mum was confused. She didnt understand how and where she could have gotten pregnant. She had been with my mum close to three years so she was a trusted employee. She was very hardworking if a bit slow and not very smart. Not up to two weeks after the confrontation, she told my mum she wanted to leave. She wept bitterly, saying she missed her twin and her parents. We all cried because we didnt want her to go. She was very nice and took care of us real good.
Mum sent for Mama M, the lady who brought her from Benin Republic. She promised my mum another girl within two weeks. She spoke privately with Aunty Kehinde but she kept hammering on the fact that she missed her twin sister and wanted to go back to Sogodoe, a coast town in Benin Republic. Mama M brought another girl. She was tall and dark with a head full of kinky afro hair. She couldnt speak a word in Yoruba but she appeared smart, strong and agile. She had a very pretty face with a small nose and full pouting lips. Basira was quiet beautiful with that kinky afro and she came straight from Togo.
Aunty Kehinde left after staying for another one week to show Basira the ropes. They could barely communicate but there was some achievement. She knew what to do. Barely two weeks after she got to our house, all hell broke loose. She had prepared some tomatoes to blend. NEPA did their rubbish and so my sister and I offered to take it to the main road. We told her not to bother, she could continue with her chores in the house. We communicated with sign language and it was quite effective. She walked briskly to my mum's bedroom and started to tidy up. My sister and I left but we were barely out of the yard when she remembered she did not take money from my mum's dresser. Some change were always kept there.
We went through the front door then we heard the screams. We stopped and listened. It was Bashira, she was screaming and saying things we couldnt understand. The screams were coming from my mum's room. My sister dropped the bowl of tomatoes and dashed towards the noise. The door was locked. We listened to the mighty struggle within, then we heard Broda SK's voice. He was in there with Bashira. My sister was frightened and started knocking on the door, calling my cousin. We jumped out of the way as the door suddenly jerked open and Broda Sk flew out of the door with Bashira in mad pursuit. We gaped open mouthed then ran after her. She was sobbing and muttering. I guess she was cursing Broda Sk to hell. She ran inside the kitchen and came out brandishing the biggest butcher knife with a murderous look, my sister and I made a beeline for the front door.''help, housemaid gone berserk''.
She dashed out moments after us and noticed Broda Sk had gone into the sugarcane plantation. She dropped the knife and sobbed uncontrollably. My sister and I stood a safe distance away and watched her. At first, I couldnt understand what had upset her so much but then I remembered Aunty Kehinde and I understood. Suddenly, there was a movement in the sugarcane plantation, Bashira jumped up and started picking rocks, throwing them in the direction of the movement. It was soon obvious that my cousin couldnt stay still, the rocks were hitting their mark. He ran in circles in the bush while Bashira pelted him with concrete rocks, then he started screaming begging for her mercy. She wouldnt relent.
My sister suggested we call Mrs B so we ran for help. It was Mrs B that consoled Bashira that day o. She sat outside and Broda Sk remained in the bushes until my mom came home. My mom was furious. She knew what her nephew had tried to do, though Bashira couldnt explain the situation herself. Of course, Broda Sk denied everything but Mum was really mad. She asked him to go to his mom's for the night. He cried and begged her but she wouldnt relent. He tried to wait it out till Pa came home but my mum wouldnt budge. He knew Pa had a soft spot for him.That night my mum started wondering about Aunty kehinde.
Just yesterday, I told my mum that her nephew might have a twenty one year old kid in Benin Republic. She relunctantly agreed, still trying not to believe that her precious nephew had been a hell raiser and the bed patner to some of her housemaids.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Broda SK

Really, I feel sorry for myself when I think about Ed. The what-might-have-beens and so on. So I decided to take another trip down the memory lane of childhood. I grew up with my siblings in a house filled with laughter and decrees. Pa had all kind of punishment dealt out in form of decree.
Decree No arrest.
Decree No are getting a spanking.
Decree No get to sit down and raise both arms and legs up. It was the perfect painful punishment, if you ask me. Pa called it "Ijoko Idera"( comfortable seat).
Decree No 4..................go straight to bed, close your eyes and take a nap by force.
Everybody in the house preffered Decree No 4.
I grew up in that house not knowing that the oldest sibling I had was actually my cousin. My mom's elder sister's son. He had been living with my mum even before I was born. It took me a long time to know that we had different last names.
Broda SK, as we all called him was like ten years older than me. He made us laugh with his crazy antics and stories. We all loved him deeply. He took care of us and protected us. I could raise hell in the neighborhood just because I knew Broda Sk was gonna protect me.
One fateful day while we were all playing out in the yard, my elder sister yelled at me to take Decree No 4. I cant even remember what I did anymore. She threatened to tell Pa what I did and at the same time beat the living daylights out of me if I didnt go take a nap. It was around 6pm and the twins were already hanging around, waiting for me so we could go beat up omo Iya Fayemiwo. The boy was spoiled and we had planned to teach him a lesson that evening. He was the last born of that Mama and he refused to play with us.
I flounced into the house, totally mad. I itched to get my hands on that proud boy. I fumed as I stalked towards my parents' bedroom. They were both out and it had been a perfect opportunity to reaarange the face of the last born of the Fayemiwos. They lived just two houses
away. I didnt wanna take a nap inside the girls' room. I guess I just felt more comfortable on my parents' bed.
The door was slightly ajar, so I just pushed it open and stepped inside. Right there on the carpet was Broda Sk.I froze. He was locked in a passionate embrace.......what am I saying? He was on top of our housemaid Aunty Kehinde, banging away. I watched as he jerked up and down. I realized they were both talking.
Broda o ri wipe o dun gan? ( do you now believe that you could enjoy it)
Aunty Kehinde..........haa Sk, o dun sugbon o si n dun mi o( it feels good but am still in pain)
Broda worry, o ma lo.( dont worry, the pain is gonna go away)
Aunty Kehinde..........sha ya ra o to ri awon mummy ko ni pe de ( pls hurry up cos Madame will be back soon)
I was like a robot with dead batteries. I couldnt move. Aunty kehinde sighted me and screamed. I fled the scene. See race o. I bolted out of the front door as if the devil was after me, actually Broda Sk was after me. I could hear him in hot pursuit. My sister yelled my name as I ran past her. I ignored her, not caring if she was gonna tell on me or not. At that point I was running for my life. I ran to Ola's house and stood on the staircase with my heart pumping as if I did a thousand miles. I needed protection, period!
Broda Sk stopped at the bottom of the staircase and demanded for me to come down. I refused. I was gonna stand there until Pa got home.My sister was asking Broda Sk what I did wrong this time but he couldnt come up with anything. After about ten minutes of cajoling, that didnt work, he went back to the house but came back in a jiffy with his arm full of my school uniform. I squinted at him, he was sure going crazy. He pleaded with me to come get my uniform and I asked him if he had ever brought my uniform to me after ironing. I was five years old but I was not stupid.He promised not to spank me and I promised not to say a word about what I saw.
A promise I kept until Aunty Kehinde suddenly sprouted a big stomach and Basira came from Togo to replace her. I will gist you in next post.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Stolen Kisses

And so, it started. A friendship I will always cherish. Ed turned out to be a cool guy and believe me, he was a youth corper but was fondly reffered to as a corp member by his friends. Though Ed was just in his mid twenties he had the disposition of a guy ten years older. He was matured and he was as cute as a huge teddy bear. We hit it off right away though I fought the attraction tooth and nail. I was adamant about not getting romantically involved in camp and to cap it, I was on the verge of entering into a serious relationship with another guy.
One cool evening after hours of climbing trees like monkeys with the soldiers yelling at us like chimpazzes, Ed pulled me aside and demanded to know what was troubling me so hard. I had been going around camp with a long face. I told him that Ade was coming for a short visit and he was gonna need an answer to his proposal. I didnt wanna say "yes'' , if anything I wanted to run in the opposite direction. Ed sat me down and we had a long talk. He ask me to give the guy a chance. I agreed. Only if I knew.........
Neways, that night was Orientation Night and Nigerian Brewries threw a big bash with a baaaad D.J. Marie and I chilled and watched the frolicking fellow corpers on the dance floor. There was a lot of booze and adrenaline flow. Everybody seemed to be having a good time except us. I asked Marie if she wanted to dance and she said No. I threw caution to the winds and stepped on the floor. I started dancing my heart out, then I came to a perfect standstill, right there across the floor was Ed, staring at me with the gentlest of emotions. Right there and then, I fell hard. Real deeply in love with the corper in spectacles. I knew I was rooting for trouble. He winked at me and joined me, then we started dancing. Most of the dancing corpers stopped and watched us as our steps matched and our bodies moved as one to the rhythm of love. We were in a world of our own.
After the party, we decided to walk off the booze and suya. Ed stopped right there in the middle of the traning field, pulled me into his arms and kissed me. He kissed me with all the pent up emotions inside of him and I kissed him back with the same intensity. I never wanted him to let go. I had never been kissed like that before. It felt so perfect and mind blowing. He explored my mouth deeply, straning to posses me. I molded my body to his not caring about the corpers walking past us. It was a kiss made in heaven. We were rudely interrupted by the angry yell of a soldier. He directed his flashlight to my face and Ed quickly shielded me and apologised to the soldier. We were told in sullen tones to go to our different rooms.
From that night, we became inseparable. Marie could not stop laughing at my constant bewildered look. I was glowing and I became the object of envy for many female corpers. They all wanted him but he had eyes only for this tiny princess. In the pearly dawn, I jogged beside him and woe betide any female who dared come near. I possesed my possesion. All what we could have were stolen kisses but we became the best of friends. I could tell him anything and vice versa. Corpers claimed we were lovers, some claimed we were siblings, why some could not fathom what he saw in a girl that looked like a cross between fulani and delta breed, others could not really understand what we saw in each other. We did not give a hoot, we just wanted to be with each other.
The night before camp was over, I cried because I did not even know how we were gonna be posted. I cried while he held me in his big arms. I did not want to spend the remaining eleven months of service faraway from him. I wanted to be with him always. The next morning dawned bleary and dull. I didnt want camp to end. Ed came looking for me and we wandered off to the traning field. He asked me to kneel down with him then he started praying. He thanked the Almighty for our meeting and prayed that His grace susutains our new found love and friendship. He prayed to God to develop our relationship into something beyond human comprehension. I cried when he finished. He kissed me tenderly, holding me close to his heart. I didnt know what to say because just the day before I had said "yes'' to Ade's proposal. I could not bring myself to tell Ed that he had called. I wish he had not encouraged me to give Ade a chance. At the initial stage, we never knew our feelings would grow to be that strong. I knew I had to do something about it but what, I had no idea.