My Sweet Valentine

Hanging out with your friends could be fun especially on Valentine's Day when no one has offered to be your val. Actually, when no guy has offered to be your one and only Valentine. That is when you see nothing wrong in having a girls' Day Out. You seize every opportunity to berate the opposite sex, ridicule them and potray them like necessary devils. You get tipsy and laugh your heads off with stories of the male appendage, the functional and the dysfunctional, the tall and the short, the albino and the colour riot.
I met Amani when I was in college, my second year I think. He fell like a pack of cards the first time he laid his eyes on me. He was so crazy about me people felt I had given him some '' efo riro and snail to chop". If he had come to my hostel to eat he would have eaten indomie noddles and corn flakes for dessert, nothing else o. Amani asked me out and I said NO. Well, I didnt have a reason because I actually liked him a lot but I was scared because he seemed so out of place with me. He was a very popular guy in the entertainment industry, though a student. I just didnt want to be the girlfriend of a television star. I so much cherished my privacy.
Valentine's Day slowly approached with the normal excitement in the air. I was irritated to the core. Amani was on my back to give him a chance, he was not talking about being a Val, he wanted to be a boyfriend!! No way. My roommates drove me crazy with their gushing and high expectations from guys that were so broke they would rob a teddy bear store just to give the so-called girlfriends Valentine's gifts.
Two days to February 14, I packed my bags , left school and shashayed my way to the city. I hooked up with G-funk. She did not have a Valentine date too so we hit the town, with the firm decision to have fun and enjoy ourselves. We got a cab and paid the driver to take us around town, he charged us a ridiculous amount of money but we paid him at the end of the day. We felt he deserved it.
Valentine's Day dawned fine and clear. G-funk and I stayed indoors watching movies, swearing at all the old boyfriends in our recent past and having a good laugh over one foolhardy story after the other. By evening we were bored out of our skulls so we decided to go to the mall. It was really far, like two hours drive. We did not want to drive that far so we got a cab to drop us off. We went around the mall, window shopping and pretended at the designers' stores as if we really wanted to buy a Gucci purse. By the time we spent an hour and a half walking around, the mall was ready to close for the night. We went out into the streets and started looking out for a cab. It was really dark and no cabs were coming our way.
We walked down the long street, no cabs. We retraced our footsteps to the mall, at least the place was well lit.We waited and waited, no cabs. We watched in dismay as a car drove out of the mall and the gates swung shut. Apparently it was the last car to leave the mall, a Mercedez Benz. We watched quietly as it rolled to a stop and a guy stepped out. He strolled towards us with a big smile.
'Hi ladies' he boomed
'Hi' we said.
"where are you ladies going to? are u looking for a cab? you are not gonna get one at this time of the night!! where are you going?' he giggled as he talked. He looked really silly with the combination of his teeny weeny voice and his height, he was very tall and thin.
''Nowhere, thanks'' we answered. He persisted and G-funk snapped.
''Ok, we are going to Surulere.''
'' Yipee, I am going to Surulere too. Come on, let me give you girls a ride. You are not going to get a cab here.'' he said with a note of finalty. G-funk looked at me and I shrugged. It would do our big heads some good to get home before we are locked out. He led us to the Mercedez. There was a guy riding shotgun. He didnt even say hello, he just stared ahead. As soon as our tall Sir Gallagher hit the freeway, he tuned in on his bloody blackman radio and nearly blasted our eardrums to blazes. We complained but got no response instead he cranked the junk music louder and threw cans of beer out through the open roof and kept swerving to hit the cans. G-funk and I clutched at each other in pure fright. We were in deep shit.
The bofoon riding shotgun said nothing. He was so scary with the way he was slugging back liquor in a big bottle and peering back to look at us. Suddenly, Sir Gallagher swerved off the freeway leading to Surulere and joined the one leading to Apapa. G-funk and I started shouting that it was the wrong way but the idiot wouldnt listen, instead he cranked up his stereo. I was shaking with fear,ohmigod we were getting kidnapped.
I remembered that the best thing to do when dealing with a criminal is to stay calm. So I signaled to G-funk and we brought our heads together. We kept mute as Sir Gallagher raced towards Apapa and yelled about having a wild party. Wild party?????? Haa where is my daddy? We got to Apapa and suddenly there was this slow traffic flow. G-funk and I removed our shoes quietly and got ready. Immediately the Mercedez started cruising , I nodded at G-funk and we both yanked the door on each side open and jumped out running. We ran on the tarmac, screaming for all we were worth. The Mercedez made a sharp turn and went off with a squeal of tires. By the time the cops at the checkpoint ( the cause of the traffic build up) started running towards us, Sir Gallagher and the Bofoon were long gone. Thank God the locks on the doors were manual and also there was that police checkpoint that night. Hmmmm, wetin I for tell Pa? It was actually the cops who got us a cab to take us home.
I could feel the guys we had ridiculed during the Valentine season laughing at me as I travelled back to school. What in the world would have happened if those two gorillas had succeded in getting us into a wild party? Wild party,my ass. They were a couple of drug addicts/armed robbers.I wish with all my heart that the two of you stumble across this post one day because God will forever punish your big heads and let you crash that stupid Mercedez off the Third Mainland Bridge. Hiss.
I got back to school, went straight to Amani and said YES. He gave me a lovely hand woven jewelry basket among other things. He called me his sweet Valentine. Ok o. I apologised spiritually to the guys I made fun of especially the one with the colour riot extension. God please forgive Yayi.