Every Woman

Quick question. Is there any reason for a woman not to feel like a woman? I mean even at late twenties knocking on the big three oh? For the past four months I have been numb. Physically and emotionally numb. Well the emotional part has been going on for sometime but the physical aspect reared its ugly head about four months ago. I thought it was a passing phase maybe an hormonal issue but I am begininig to think that it is more than that, I am having some serious thoughts that it might be a problem with a capital P.

I love watching old romantic movies. They do something to my inner spirit. Lately, I have found myself hissing at the screen kisses even fast forwarding the scene just to get away from the annoying part. I can not put up with Nigerian love stories especially the ones with titles like Love Will Kill Me, Real Love, I Will Die For Love, Love Is Trouble, To Love You Is To Die. Neways I am just messing around. I saw Real Love, it was good but should have ended with the first part.

Back to my non-woman state. I seem to dread any kind of physical touch nowadays and believe me it is not PMS, it is a cry for help. I guess women generally have that time when the hormones are dancin to the call of nature even if they are not gonna do anything about it, they still feel it. That nurturing feeling. That warm feeling that makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world, Agbani should go and siddon. I used to feel like that too at least a whole week in a month. I used to go around with a secret smile, swaying my waist as if I have some jigida on and throwing my legs out in a stalk. You could call it a predator's stalk. This is the time that the womanly charm comes out in full force and woe betide any man at the receiving end. A woman would purr like a cat and would desist from all nagging activities even if its gonna be for a week but alas I do not even have that one week anymore. I dont have that feeling again. Could I be turning into a man?

I want to believe that even men have their ''blues'', I think they call it ''agros''.So what in the world is wrong with Yayi? I visited my gyneacologist last week. Dear Dr R, she said it could be pyschological and as if I would allow myself to be examined by a shrink, Heck No. God Forbid!!! The way I yelled No ehhn the woman nearly left her skin behind. In this foreign land where you would be transferred from one doctor to another all in the name of pychoanalysis, abeg o,I no do. Dr R suggested hormonal treatment and I declined. Patapata I will go to Naija and look for correct herbs. Maybe some fresh ginger tea, organic to be precise and something to rejuvenate my memory. I have a strong feeling its deeply rooted in my memory. Once I remember the feeling then I should be fine.

I am not crazy. I dont think I am neways. I announced to the folks last week after the doctor's visit that I was gonna go anti-male.I didnt tell them the real reason, I would never admit to Pa not even when I am a grandmother that I know about the real stuffs. Never!! So I told the folks that I was going anti-male and nobody and I mean nobody should try to hook me up again. I am not a fire bleching masquerade so if the guys are not smart enough to take the initiative and discover Yayi then they are not good enough for me. I told my mum that if the boy from the church, the pastor's brother should come near me again that I would spit in his face and not ordinary spit, it would be some thick and nasty phelgm. She was shocked. Well, I don talk my own. Its like a raging war within me. Shit!!!!

I wanna be a woman again!!